A gloomy groupchat
by NordicSlingshot
Summary: This is a fanfiction of A series of unfortunate events. I know that I chose "An unfortunate fairy tale", but that is because "A series of unfortunate events" did not exist as a sub-category. Anyways, this is a group chat between the Quagmires and the Baudelaires.


The Gloomy Groupchat  
A farfetched fanfiction based on Lemony Snickets work

 _Quigley_Q has added IssyQ, DunQuag, Violet_Bau and KlausB to the chat_

 **11.11 am**

Quigley_Q: Hello everyone. I found that a groupchat would be useful to get info fast.

KlausB: Good idea, Quigley.

DunQuag: Yeah, but why didn't you add Sunny?

Quigley_Q: ...

KlausB: ...

DunQuag: Hello?

IssyQ: What do you think, Duncan?

DunQuag: Idk? Don't we like Sunny or something?

IssyQ: ...

Violet_Bau: Hello. Good idea with a groupchat, Quigley.

Violet_Bau: And Duncan, it's because Sunny is a toddler.

DunQuag: So?

Violet_Bau: She can't read.

KlausB: And she does not have an account either.

DunQuag: But still! Shes smart for being a baby.

IssyQ: She's*

DunQuag: This is a groupchat, why is spelling correctly necessary?

IssyQ: Because I hate people that spell wrong.

Quigley_Q: Yeah, Duncan. We're well raised children. We think and spell properly.

Violet_Bau: I will let Sunny type something on my phone and maybe you're convinced to why she doesn't have an account.

Violet_Bau: jlkqgeji oxowfu4 qklmgnoc gdjlncng ejlimwn ujlw :) :) :D :D :D dqkjsjwq öcfhqå :D :D

DunQuag: Alright, i get it.

KlausB: Well, she does know her smileys.

Violet_Bau: That's our Sunny.

 **12.00 pm**

IssyQ: I was just wondering if Carmelita has an account here.

DunQuag: Why would you wonder that?

IssyQ: I just got a friend request...

IssyQ: "Bestgirl_dancingfairyballerina"

Violet_Bau: That's a really long username for a site like this.

DunQuag: That is definetly Carmelita.

KlausB: Oh no.

Quigley_Q: I've never really met Carmelita. What if...

Quigley_Q: We invite her to the groupchat.

DunQuag: Great idea, Quiggie! Let a toxic girl who most likely will spam and pick on us be invited to this groupchat!

 _IssyQ has changed Quigley_Q's name to "Quiggie"_

KlausB: It took me a while to realise you were sarcastic.

DunQuag: Don't worry, Klaus. It's hard to figure that out by reading instead of hearing it irl.

KlausB: What's "irl" now again?

KlausB: I apologize, but internet slangs are not my strongest side.

DunQuag: It means "in real life".

Quiggie: I'm still curious to see how Carmelita would behave in this group chat.

IssyQ: Actually, i'm a little curious too. Maybe i should accept her request.

IssyQ: Is everyone ok with this? If she's mean, we will throw her out immediaetely.

KlausB: Alright then.

Violet_Bau: Okay...

DunQuag: Fine.

 **12.23 pm**

 _IssyQ has added Bestgirl_dancingfairyballerina to the group chat._

IssyQ: Is this possibly Carmelita Spats? Welcome to our group chat.

Bestgirl_dancingfairyballerina: I knew you stupid cakesniffers would feel the need to add me. I'm the best ^-^

DunQuag: You're the cakesniffer, Carmelita.

 _DunQuag has changed Bestgirl_dancingfairyballerina's name to "Cakesniffer"_

Cakesniffer: Hey :(

Quiggie: Hello, Carmelita. My name is Quigley. It's a pleasure to meet you.

Cakesniffer: I dont care! how do u even change my name thats hacking

IssyQ: don't* How* that's*

Cakesniffer: Only cakesniffers care about spelling.

DunQuag: So that means YOU care about spelling ;)

Cakesniffer: UUUUUUGGGHH STOP!

KlausB: Hey Quagmires, calm down a bit.

Cakesniffer: The stupid cakesniffing orphan changed my name how do u change it back

IssyQ: You* We only use shortenings that contains more than three words or more than 6 letters in a word.

IssyQ: Also, you can't change back. If someone changes your name it's stuck like that.

Quiggie: That's why i'm named "Quiggie" on this chat...

Cakesniffer: Darn it. I'm gonna go...

DunQuag: ...and sniff some cakes? ;)

Cakesniffer: Shut up!

 **2.14 pm**

Cakesniffer: I know we're not really friends but i have a question.

IssyQ: Spill it.

Cakesniffer: Do you have a crush on anyone?

Cakesniffer: Hello.

Cakesniffer: Hellooooo?

Cakesniffer: Why won't you guys answer me?

Violet_Bau: Well, why won't you start and tell us, Carmelita?

Cakesniffer: What

Violet_Bau: Do YOU have a crush on anyone?

Cakesniffer: No. Now answer me.

Quiggie: I feel uncomfortable by this question.

Cakesniffer: Why? ;)

Quiggie: I usually don't talk about that topic.

KlausB: Yeah, that kind of stuff...not our thing.

IssyQ: ^

Cakesniffer: Come on!

Cakesniffer: Just give me something i'm bored

IssyQ: Alright.

DunQuag: Wait Isadora are you really gonna do this

IssyQ: I'm not comfortable talking about crushes just like you know. I will give Carmelita something regarding the topic though.

Cakesniffer: Spill it!

Quiggie: Isadora are you sure

IssyQ: Trust me.

KlausB: I hope you know what you're doing, Issy.

Violet_Bau: Isadora always knows what she's doing. Let's see what she has to say.

Cakesniffer: Yeah, say it already!

IssyQ: I have experienced attraction to people that i don't think really likes me back. But i still let myself feel the emotions just like a haystack.

Cakesniffer: Why did you have to rhyme what does this mean

Violet_Bau: Isadora always has a meaning behind her poetry.

Cakesniffer: But haystacks don't have emotions?

DunQuag: I'm a little curious too about what Isadora meant by this.

DunQuag: Do you want to explain, Isadora?

 _Violet_Bau has added IssyQ to the chat_

Violet_Bau: Isadora... what was that poem about?

Violet_Bau: I understand if you don't want to tell everyone, but i've studied your poem for about ten minutes and i was wondering...

IssyQ: My brothers would not really understand.

IssyQ: And Klaus? No, no, no.

Violet_Bau: I know Carmelita is a bit of a... well, a cakesniffer.

Violet_Bau: But she actually made me a little curious with her annoying questions :)

IssyQ: Yeah, everyone seemed very curious. I've written too much.

Violet_Bau: You can always make up something.

Violet_Bau: Even if i'm curious, i respect if you don't want to share.

IssyQ: Thanks, Violet.

 **2.39 pm**

DunQuag: Isadora it has been 25 minutes

Cakesniffer: She's probably a lezzie

Quiggie: A what now?

Cakesniffer: Lezzie. That's why she won't answer.

KlausB: I can understand if someone doesn't want to answer if you keep on like that, Carmelita.

Cakesniffer: What it's nothing wrong with being that but she is probably ashamed

DunQuag: But what is a lezzie?!

Quiggie: I think i now how to get Isadora to write.

IssyQ: know*

Quiggie: Yay

Cakesniffer: So, are you a lezzie? :)

DunQuag: WHAT IS A LEZZIE?!

KlausB: I've read somewhere that lezzie is a slang word for...

KlausB: No... no, i dont think so.

Quiggie: Ok Klaus care to explain?

 _KlausB has added DunQuag and Quiggie to the chat_

KlausB: A lezzie is a slang word for a lesbian.

DunQuag: Oh.

Quiggie: But i don't think...Isadora could not be

DunQuag: I think Carmelita is just teasing

Quiggie: Yeah. Poor Issy.

 _Violet_Bau IssyQ_

Violet_Bau: Are you ok Issy?

IssyQ: Yeah but i don't know how to answer

Violet_Bau: Leave it to me.

Cakesniffer: hellooo

Cakesniffer: If you're not a lezzie then purple cakesniffer probably is

Violet_Bau: I'm not a lezzie.

Quiggie: I knew that :-)

DunQuag: :-)

Violet_Bau: But i'm not straight either.

Quiggie: Wait what

DunQuag: Huh

IssyQ: Violet?

KlausB: What?

Cakesniffer: What are you then?

Violet_Bau: I'm bi.

DunQuag: WHAAAAAAAAAAAT

Quiggie: I DID NOT KNOW THIS

Cakesniffer: HAH!

 _Cakesniffer has changed Violet_Bau's name to "ViTheBi"_

Cakesniffer: I learned to change names :)

KlausB: Violet...you never told me you where

ViTheBi: We had more important things to discuss, Klaus

KlausB: True, but...

Cakesniffer: This is interesting :)

DunQuag: For once Carmelita has your annoying guts leaned to something actually interesting.

Cakesniffer: Why, thank you.

 **8.00 pm**

KlausB: Do you guys want to go to the local library on Vicky FreeDoom Street tomorrow? I've heard that they got a delivery with lots of new books this other day.

DunQuag: Sure, sounds fun!

Quiggie: Is it the library with the big map in alley 22-6-4? In that case, yes!

IssyQ: I'm on!

ViTheBi: Sure thing, Klaus. Shall Sunny come with us?

KlausB: Of course. Everyone gets to come with us!

KlausB: Carmelita, you can come too... if you'd like...

Cakesniffer: If you darn cakesniffing orphans just going to talk about books then i'm outta here

IssyQ: Out of*

 _Cakesniffer has left the chat_

Quiggie: I'm actually sad to see her go.

ViTheBi: Yeah... anyways! Which time should we meet tomorrow?

KlausB: I'll say 10.30 am. We can eat lunch afterwards.

DunQuag: I'll say 13.00 pm. Lunch is expensive at VFD street.

Quiggie: 12.00 pm!

IssyQ: 14.45 pm!

ViTheBi: Suggestion from Sunny: 12.45 pm. After lunch, but not so late after lunch so we don't get hungry on the way.

IssyQ: Works for me!

DunQuag: Yeah sure, fine.

 **12.30 pm**

Quiggie: Hey, i might be a little late. I'm going to return a pencil to a Vigorously Fixed Destination.

KlausB: No problem, Quigley.

IssyQ: I'm close to the library.

ViTheBi: Sunny and I came early! We're outside the library.

DunQuag: Btw Violet, I can fix your username.

ViTheBi: No, it's fine Duncan.

DunQuag: Are you sure? Carmelita was only joking by changing your name.

ViTheBi: But who said that i was joking by writing it in the first place?

DunQuag: Uh...

IssyQ: Im here!

ViTheBi: Where's the rest of you? Klaus?

KlausB: It seems that i'm stuck with a very frightened doorman

KlausB: I need to calm him down.

DunQuag: The buses in this town go into very false directions... i will probably be late too.

Quiggie: Don't wait for us. Go to the library and we'll see you when we make it.

KlausB: IF we even make it... the library closes at 5.

IssyQ: Alright. We'll be somewhere in the library. Good luck.

DunQuag: Thanks.

 **8.05 pm**

Quiggie: Hey, sorry that we couldn't come. But are you guys heading home? It's late.

KlausB: Violet texted me half an hour ago that i should not worry. But she didn't say anymore than that.

Quiggie: That was weird.

DunQuag: Isadora we're concerned. You usually tell us where you are, but you haven't answered anything.

KlausB: Duncan, you sound like Isadora is a little child.

DunQuag: Well, aren't you concerned for Violet?

KlausB: I'm a little bit more concerned for Sunny actually, since she is a toddler. But i know she's probably with Violet, so it makes me a little calmer if both are ok.

Quiggie: Well you and Violet are practically parents :)

DunQuag: Not really, Sunny is their sister and they have a sibling chemistry.

Quiggie: No, i'm reffering to Beatrice.

DunQuag: Who?

Quiggie: Don't you take care of Kit Snicket's baby, Klaus? You, Violet and Sunny? Beatrice Snicket?

DunQuag: Oh... they...they rarely talk about her.

KlausB: Beatrice! Yes! She's home. She's somewhere in this house.

Quiggie: You forgot her, didn't you Klaus?

KlausB: No, i... i just didn't bring her with me...

KlausB: Yes, i forgot her...

KlausB: But she can take care of herself. Look, she is in the kitchen right now eating crumbles on the ground!

KlausB:

DunQuag: Poor thing must be starving!

Quiggie: I didn't know you could send pictures!

KlausB: Violet showed me how to!

KlausB:

Quiggie: And videos, too!

DunQuag: Aww... Beatrice is such a little sunshine.

IssyQ: Hello, boys. Violet and I just said goodbye. I'm on my way home now. Violet can't answer because Sunny have fallen asleep on her shoulder, but they are both safe! We... did some things after the library closed, that's why we stayed so long in town.

IssyQ: Violet wanted me to tell, that she feels well. She wants to remind Klaus to Beatrice not to forget next time in advance.

DunQuag: Klaus and advance doesn't really rhyme.

IssyQ: I'm tired and red, shut up and let me rest my head.

DunQuag: Sorry Issy.

Quiggie: What do you mean by "red"?

KlausB: Violet, Beatrice was fine on her own!

IssyQ: I'm home now!

Quiggie: Oh... Isadora is all red in her face...

 **5.00 am**

 _DunQuag Quiggie, KlausB_

DunQuag: Sorry if i'm waking you guys up. I haven't been able too sleep.

DunQuag: Isadora refused to tell us anything about what they did at the library. I respect her privacy, but i feel like something really big has happened.

KlausB: I agree actually. Violet told me that it was nothing important.

DunQuag: Did Sunny say anything?

KlausB: Well, Sunny was asleep. I don't think she will tell me something anyway.

Quiggie: Maybe they will tell us when they wake up.

DunQuag: Probably.

 **10.00 am**

DunQuag: Hi! What did you do yesterday at the library?

ViTheBi: We mostly did some reading on various things.

Quiggie: Like what?

IssyQ: For example the origins of the poetrist Sappho

ViTheBi: I was just about to write that!

ViTheBi: And we found a Very Funny Diary

IssyQ: Yeah! I've never laughed as much in my entire life.

Quiggie: And nothing more?

ViTheBi: Not so much interesting to tell, no.

IssyQ: ^

 _DunQuag Quiggie, KlausB_

DunQuag: They refuse to tell anything...

Quiggie: But what if... that really is all that happened?

KlausB: I will ask Sunny, she's alone in her room practising spelling.

Quiggie: Can you record it?

KlausB:

DunQuag: Oh come on!

Quiggie: Wow, it's weird to hear Sunny speak actual words.

KlausB: You heard it. She fell asleep watching Isadora and Violet reading to her.

DunQuag: I can swear that something more was going on.

KlausB: Yeah, this feels a little strange...

DunQuag: Wait...doesn't Issy keep a diary?

Quiggie: Duncan Quagmire! We should never do such a thing as read a private diary.

KlausB: I feel like Isadora would be the kind of person that doesn't even write down her secrets in case someone finds out

Quiggie: That sounds actually like something Isadora would do.

DunQuag: Good grief.

 _ViTheBi IssyQ_

ViTheBi: I think our brothers suspect us.

IssyQ: Yeah, definetly...

IssyQ: What should we do?

ViTheBi: Isadora, I think we need to discuss what really happened yesterday.

IssyQ: I...just don't know what to say.

ViTheBi: We'll help each other. I can start.

ViTheBi: After Sunny fell asleep, we found that book. That pink book with the picture of a flower.

IssyQ: It was a very pretty book.

ViTheBi: We were still thrilled after reading the very funny diary, so we didn't pay attention to the title.

IssyQ: No, we thought it was a book on gardening.

ViTheBi: But it was not.

IssyQ: No. Which we noticed 20 minutes in the book.

IssyQ: Then we checked the title.

ViTheBi: "Women and sexuality"

ViTheBi: "Do you know anything about that subject, Issy?"

IssyQ: "Well i know a little bit. It depends on what kind of sexuality they define."

ViTheBi: "I think it's... sexual preference. You know, which gender you're..."

IssyQ: "Yeah..."

ViTheBi: "What's wrong, Issy?"

IssyQ: "Oh! Oh, it's...nothing?"

IssyQ. "But it's not only sexual preference... look at this page for example"

ViTheBi: "Well..."

IssyQ: "Violet...? In that groupchat, were you really serious when you said...?"

ViTheBi: "I have thought of it for a very long time and realised that i really like both males and females. So, yeah."

IssyQ: "That is... cool."

ViTheBi: "How about you, Issy?"

IssyQ: "I..."

ViTheBi: "What's wrong?"

IssyQ: "It's just... I never really talked about it but..."

ViTheBi: "I'm taking that as you saying that you're not... straight?"

IssyQ: "I guess so..."

IssyQ: After that, we were quiet until... you touched my leg.

ViTheBi: And you liked it?

IssyQ: I liked it very much.

ViTheBi: Yes, you blushed. I liked it too.

ViTheBi: Maybe I did too much after that.

IssyQ: No, no! I...wanted you to.

ViTheBi: Yes, I wanted too.

IssyQ: Thank you for doing that, Violet.

IssyQ: It was my first kiss.

ViTheBi: My pleasure.

IssyQ: Before you say anything, i know you kissed Quigley in the mountains. It's okay.

ViTheBi: Oh, thank god! I'm over Quigley now.

IssyQ: I love you, Violet. Are we... are we together because we kissed?

ViTheBi: Do you want to be together?

IssyQ: I'd like that.

ViTheBi: Then I will be the best girlfriend you will ever have!


End file.
